What Could Never Be Said
by consumedbyheavenlyfire
Summary: AU. Post-BD. One night a year, that's all they would ever have. JxB REPOSTED. On temporary HIATUS.
1. Part 1

**A/N: ****Started out as a one shot for Valentine's Day. I've always liked Vampire Bella with Alpha Jacob, the whole "maybe even then" idea. This was kind of my take on that from a different angle this time.**

**Will contain graphic sexual content within the story. If this offends you, please do not read. I don't mean to disrespect the site or its moderators but trying to edit out all the lemony parts and revising the writing to make it fit without them was too time-consuming.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.**

* * *

Bella stared into his eyes as he moved. She had lost herself in his dark depths long after she had met him near the treaty line. Even now, his onyx consumed her as he entered and withdrew from her body repeatedly.

He blinked every now and then. Bella never did. She had no need to. And even though she could tell it made him uncomfortable, his gaze never once faltered from hers.

Each year they would meet like this.

Each year, on this day, their eyes would meet. Sorrow, longing and pain would reflect back at both pairs of eyes, always the same amount, always the same kind. And later that night, they would make their excuses to their families and more importantly, to their mates, and run to their usual meeting place.

Bella suspected that Edward knew but strangely never said a word and must have been the one to keep Alice at bay when her near future would vanish temporarily. After a while, she figured that he must have known she needed this, needed _him_. And because she had selflessly given her life, her eternity to be with him and that he loved her too much, he was allowing her this one small yearly indiscretion. He turned the other cheek whenever the time came and she would insist on wanting to hunt alone, even though Jacob had gone to patrol only an hour before. She could see how much it cost him but she was too selfish to give this up now. To give _him_ up.

She loved her husband, more than life itself. That had been proven in the literal sense.

But one night, one night a year, Jacob provided her with something that Edward could never give her. Something she could never get from anyone else, human, werewolf or vampire.

Just for one night, one night only, she was his Bells again. Almost as if she had never chosen her vampire beloved and had instead stayed where she was intended to always have.

There was no denying it. Even now, as the sweat dripped off the spiked hair onto her as he panted above her, she could feel that connection once again. To who she had been, who she was supposed to be. Who Jacob had fallen in love with and still loved with every fiber of his being, next to his imprint. His imprint who had no idea just how badly her mother and her boyfriend were betraying her right now, every year, and that she was the only one inside her Jacob's heart.

The connection was vague, almost as blurry and fading as her human memories, but it was there nonetheless. Even with Jacob imprinting and her becoming his enemy, it had never gone away.

And she felt it right now as her Jacob stared back down at her, watching her as he tenderly made love to her.

They had made a silent pact long ago to keep their eyes open during their intimacy. This way Bella could be sure he wasn't imagining her daughter and he had some sort of false sense of security that he was the only one on her mind.

Bella never thought of Edward. When she left her family behind on these nights, her husband never flitted through her expansive mind until the moment she returned to him the next morning after a full shower and change of clothes at Charlie's that Charlie himself never knew about since he always had the graveyard shift on these types of days.

Jacob could never get the thought of betrayal out of his head, no matter how long he stared into her light golden eyes. The imprint guaranteed that, his fists clenching in the sheets next to her as his body trembled in pain, his heart throbbing in his chest, making him hurt worse. But, he did not imagine Renesmee. Not only would it be wrong and severely twisted while he was making love to her mother, it would be treachery of the highest order to do that to his Bella, his Bells.

She slowly lifted her hand from his shoulder to stroke his left cheek. He winced at the cold but kept moving, ignoring the burning of his nasal passages that reached deep down in his throat. He had indeed grown accustomed to the scent but it still bothered him. But he did his best to keep his disgust at bay when he was with her on these nights. And she knew it. She did her best to never push him any further than what he was comfortable with.

"I love you, Jake," she whispered.

His pace slowed to a stop as he looked down at her. Bella snaked her finger into his hair and softly massaged his scalp. It had the desired effect for Jake lowered himself face to face with her a moment later. She could the tiny tremors rocking through him as he struggled to form the words.

"I-" He took in a quick breath, still panting. "L-Lo-" His brows furrowed as he concentrated and she felt his body tense with the effort. "Lo-" Pain flickered across his expression and settled deep into his eyes along with hopelessness. "Lov-I lov-" And then his air cut off, no sound coming out.

He was never able to say it back to her.

Not once.

While he was able to fight for this one night with her every year and he paid for it dearly, this was something he could not get around, something he could not find a loophole in. It wasn't a command that could be lifted. It wasn't something Bella could undo by figuring out, although she knew what it was and she understood. The imprint was a different matter entirely. It was too strong. And the imprint would not allow him to commit the ultimate act of betrayal against it. And while he knew in his heart he still loved her, he would never be able to voice it. Not like that. He had even tried to say it to her in Quileute once, but the imprint had stopped him. Spanish and French didn't work either even after he had tricked Alice and Esme into teaching him, thinking he would be surprising their beloved Renesmee with his new knowledge. The imprint was a magical phenomenon that could not be tricked. I was one thing to make love to someone other than his imprint. The pain was excruciating and the guilt the next day devastating but he was able to do it. Not without a high price, though.

Every year, by the time they finished, he would nearly black out in Bella's arms, the pain too much to bear for even a strong werewolf like him. Being an Alpha didn't make a difference. If anything, it just made it worse. But being able to say those three words to the girl he had loved and the woman he continued to love from afar, no choice was given. There was no amount of pain to deal with in exchange for being able to speak it because it simply didn't happen. It didn't stop him from continuing to try, though.

Even now, he huffed in frustration, seeing her eyes sadden, reflecting his own, as he continued to attempt forcing the words out of his mouth.

If Bella could cry, she would have.

In a whisper of a movement, she had latched her lips to his, kissing him, the way she should have kissed him in the truck, in her kitchen, so long ago.

And then she rained kisses all over his damp face. "I love you. I love you. I love you, Jake. And I know you love me. It's enough. I love you. I will always love you, Jacob Ephraim Black. Always."

He would hold her tighter to him, burying his nose into her hair, taking in the smell that made his stomach twist and turn. He could swear sometimes he could still detect a minute trace of her old scent within the strands but it was so faint that it seemed more his imagination playing tricks on him than reality. And this would make his eyes tear up and his body shake in a mix of silent sobs and pain as he hugged her close.

She would squeeze her arms around him, just as tight, making sure not to hurt him. She continued to place kisses on his neck, his shoulder, anywhere she could reach. "I will always love you. No matter what. It's okay, Jake. It's okay," she soothed.

He would lift his head and place his forehead to hers, staring down at her, tears still trailing down his cheeks. "Bells..."

She knew what he was saying without him really saying it.

It was never going to be okay. It didn't matter that this had gone on for the last five years. It didn't matter that given the chance, Bella would choose right this time. It didn't matter that she would leave it all behind if it meant a few years with him, alone, as hers.

Because Jacob wasn't free. And he never would be.

And she had done that to him.

She had done it when she chose to become Mrs. Edward Cullen, when she had chosen to allow herself to have that one last human experience before being turned, when she had chosen to keep Jacob by her side, never releasing him, instead of doing the right thing and sending him away before her daughter came into the world.

And now, it was too late. For both of them.

She traced her finger over his bottom lip, feeling him kissing it as it passed, before she wiped his tears away. She kissed him then, just once. It was full of longing and need, speaking of a love that was true and burned to be expressed fully but would never be.  
He would pull back and lay his forehead against hers once more, his eyes closed.

"I would. You know I would, but I-" His eyes scrunched up slightly more. "I can't, Bells," he whispered. "I want to...so badly but...I just can't."

She would nod even though he couldn't see her and swallow thickly. He would hear it and open his eyes slowly to look down on her.

She would give him a small smile, trying to mask the pain, though she knew it was useless. He could always read her, always had been able to. And she saw the realization play out in his eyes. Before he could say anything else, she would plead with him.

"Kiss me," she would whisper.

And knowing it really was the only thing he could give her, that this night was all she would ever have of him, that he would ever have of her, his true soul mate, he would do just that.

After a few moments, Jacob would infuse more heat into the kiss and before they knew it, they would be moving against one another again, this time at an inhuman speed, their cries of passion loud and reverberating off the walls of Jacob's mother's house.

When the bed started creaking dangerously as a final warning, only then did he pick her up in his arms and slam her into a spot of the dilapidated walls that had not yet been destroyed by them, forming a large crack above their heads almost immediately.

He would pound into her, her crying his name while her nails drew down his back, cutting into him and making him yell. Before the wall could completely give, before more chunks of the ceiling could fall around them or the frame of the house continue to shake, Bella would scream his name and he would roar loudly before biting into her neck and making her scream again, this time in pain.

The would shake and spasm together, holding each other as they both came down from their highs. He would retract his teeth and kiss her neck in silent apology as he fought for air, knowing the teeth marks would be gone by morning, making him relieved yet saddened at the same time. Bella would kiss his neck in turn as softly as she could, keeping her head against the side of his.

"Jacob," she murmured. "I will always love you. You'll always be my Jacob and I will always be your Bells. Always."

She knew it was a lie, even as it left her lips and went straight into his ear. She could never be his Bells and he could never be her Jacob. Never.

But tonight, just for tonight, they could pretend.

...

Jacob zipped up his shorts and turned to see Bella had not left the bed yet. She still sat up, looking at him, with the bed sheet wrapped around her, staring off into space as she fingered the charm on her bracelet absentmindedly.

He had noticed that she had started wearing it again after their first night together, keeping it on year round. He had been surprised to see that Edward's heart was no longer on there. He had never asked her about it. He hadn't needed to. He knew why it had gone missing and yet his wolf charm remained. And it hurt even more as he watched her now.

"I have to...get back."

She nodded, without looking up at him. He wished he could tell her what he used to be able to tell her so freely, that he was still an option for her. He wished he could tell her that they could just run away together. That they could hole up inside this house forever, him fixing it up bit by bit. They could stay together. Forever. But he couldn't. He would settle just for the one thing he always wanted to tell her and did a few times in the past. Just three little words. But now, he couldn't even tell her that.

He knew it was wrong, to do this, to meet with her year after year and still go home to Renesmee while Bella went home to Edward. He knew and he hated himself for it but at the same time, he couldn't stop himself. And he knew, next year, he would be here with her, again, without fail.

He approached her side of the bed and sat down, pulling her hand into his. He brought it to his lips and pressed kisses to the backs of her fingers. Her eyes watched him sadly.

"We're not staying until morning?"

His heart hurt at her whisper, coated in pain. He moved to the back of her hand and kissed the skin sweetly. "I can't. Not this time."

Bella lowered her gaze and he leaned in, cupping her chin, forcing her lips to meet his. He kissed her deeply, slowly, willing her to feel what he couldn't tell her. He felt her cool palms on both his cheeks and he pulled away to stare at her, putting his forehead to hers.

"Embry will he here soon to escort you back."

She pulled him closer. "Don't go," she whispered. "Stay..."

His heart was breaking, the pain from that alone, overriding all the rest from the imprint. He swallowed thickly. "I have to. So do you."

"Please..." Her voice sounded broken.

He took her right hand and placed it over his heart so she could feel it beating as he had done so long ago, once upon a time. He held it there with his own hand and brought his eyes back to hers. He didn't say anything, he didn't need to. She knew.

He lifted her hand and placed two kisses, one to her open palm and the other to the inside of her wrist, before closing her hand up for her and laying it back against her chest.  
He opened one of his side pockets and drew out a small box. He put it in her other hand and leaned in once more to kiss her.

Then he drew back and got to his feet, her watching him as he did, her expression pleading.

He gave her a pained smile. "Happy Valentine's Day, honey." He dropped a kiss to her forehead and then left the room. He barely made it out of the house, the pain was just too much, it was consuming him. He started to breathe fast, feeling the enormity of it, wanting to burst into sobs as he had to leave her behind and return back to the house because his imprint was calling to him. He ran, phasing once he was near the trees, not caring he had shredded yet another pair of shorts in the process. He ran and ran, thoughts of Bella, his Bells, plaguing his mind.

Embry was also phased, two minutes away from the house, but out of mercy for his best friend, he stayed quiet during the replays, the fantasies of telling Bella he loved her as he held her in his arms. He knew what was coming next, just like it did every year.

Bella's moan as he moved against her, how good she felt. How he wanted to claim her for his. Bella's laugh, Bella's arms holding to him. Bella's chocolate eyes watching him in adoration as he worked on his car, those eyes that now belonged to someone else, someone he didn't want to belong to. Eyes that had been replaced with golden butterscotch that now stared at him sadly yet with so much love. Bella's fingers digging into his back. Bella's blush when she had been alive. The sound of Bella's heart beating. Bella pleading with him to stay with her. Bella's words, "I love you", said in the musical voice she now had. He loved her, he wanted to stay with her, go back to her, but it was too late. He never could. He was Renesmee's now, Bella's daughter's. He could never break the hold she had on him no matter how badly he wanted to, how badly he wanted Bella. And Bella wanted him. Bella loved him, asked him to run with her, leave it all behind, on more than one occasion but the incorporeal shackles prevented him from doing so. He loved her. She was his Bells. Still. And he couldn't even tell her he loved her back or stay longer with her the one night a year they came together.

Finally, it was too much and a howl of agony burst out of Jake. He broke down, howling his pain out to the world nonstop before he phased back, laying in a ball naked, his body wracked with sobs. Only when he was cried out, only when the pain made way for the numbness that would sustain him for the next 364 days, did he get to his feet, phase and go home to his imprint, washing off in a creek on the way, leaving her scent behind as a mere memory just like Bella herself.

Bella heard the howl and winced. If only she could cry... Instead, Jake was doing it all for her, for the both of them and what they had lost. For what she had foolishly thrown away when she had been young and callous.

She heard Embry's approach and Jake's howls begin to die down. She wanted to go to him, comfort him, just like she had done that one time, but it only caused him more pain. She knew that now, that as painful as it was to stay still and not go to her Jacob, it was better for him in the long run. He had told her it made it easier to let her go for a whole other year. She knew their earlier than normal separation this time had caused him even more pain just as it did her.

She glanced down at her hand holding the white box and gingerly turned it over. What she saw made dry sobs rip from her that Embry heard and made him decide to give her a few minutes before retrieving her and urging her back to the treaty line.

Bella curled up into a ball and sobbed into the pillow Jake had used, burying her nose into his scent, not caring how revolting it was to her. She hugged it tightly as her body shook with the loud sobs. She hated herself for not being able to cry. She let the box fall onto the bed and whimpered his name, wishing they could just be together, wishing that she could go back in time and undo her mistakes. She loved her daughter, she didn't regret her but maybe if she had let Jake escape before she gave birth, if she had pretended she hated him and pushed him away, maybe then, just then, she could be with her Jacob. If only...  
She picked up the box again and held it to where her cold heart lay, no longer beating, inside her chest.

Inside the little white box were white conversation heart candies, "I love you" in bold red letters, printed on each and every one.


	2. Part 2

**A/N: ****Will contain graphic sexual content within the story. If this offends you, please do not read. I don't mean to disrespect the site or its moderators but trying to edit out all the lemony parts and revising the writing to make it fit without them was too time-consuming.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.**

* * *

Since that night, it had been harder to return to normal everyday existing-life was the last word to use to describe it-than it had ever been before. Jacob and Bella avoided each other at all costs and if they were ever forced into the same room, they never met each other's eyes.

It was too painful, too costly, to glance up and see all the unspoken words, the unspoken pleadings, there that they could never respond to.

Edward had noticed, Bella was sure. She could see it in the rigidity of his posture every time Jacob was in the vicinity, the way his eyes tightened on the rare occasion Jacob spoke to them both, never once addressing Bella specifically. Yet, as always, Edward never said a word. Instead, he smiled crookedly at Bella, encasing her hand with his own and gazed upon her lovingly as he kissed her knuckles.

Out of the corner of her eye, Bella never missed Jake averting his eyes and looking away.

Renesmee, always a light and happy presence within the Cullen household, never seemed to be aware of the tension in the room. She smiled and laughed and continued to hold onto her Jacob. Bella had to swallow the lump that formed in her throat away each time she had the thought. _Her Jacob._ It hadn't been that long ago that Jacob had once been _hers_. When she hadn't had to share him. When she hadn't had to watch him run back to the one he loved more than her. Back when Bella hadn't chosen wrong and in choosing, screwed up their lives and ended her own.

She knew she should feel guilty for harboring so much jealousy towards her daughter, the one person she should love more than herself. But, when it came to Jacob, Bella had never been that selfless. She loved Renesmee, truly she did. But, Renesmee had something that did not belong to her. Bella knew that now. And while she knew the girl wasn't to blame, it didn't make her see any less red when watching Renesmee hanging off of Jacob, inducing smiles out of him that Bella hadn't seen since her transformation. At least, never directed at her.

She knew she should feel guilty for betraying her husband. A husband who loved her so much he was willing to look the other way to allow her to indulge her yearly passionate trysts with his former enemy and rival. Who loved her so much that he forgave her every time, not just for hurting him, but also for the treachery she displayed towards their daughter. She had always known she wasn't worthy of Edward's devotion.

But, instead, as she watched Renesmee smile up at Jacob in a way that had him immediately grinning and kissing her nose affectionately, Bella seethed with rage. They had been watching some movie on TV, some boring contemporary teen flick that was a waste of film and money, and cuddling up on the couch. The other Cullens has spread out around the house, taking to their nightly activities that kept them busy until daylight. Seth and Leah had gone home long ago. Edward was playing the piano in the other room, playing the lullaby he had written for her. She knew he was calling to her, beckoning her to come and sit beside him as she so often did when he played her song. Bella, however, ignored his pleas through the music. She could not tear herself away from the sight before her, for anything. She watched them from her seat in the back, her glancing up from her book that she was supposed to be absorbed in for the 7, 456th time she read it.

Renesmee giggled and entwined her fingers in the hair on the back of Jacob's neck. He chuckled and shook his head at her. Only then did Bella realize Renesmee's other hand was laid against his right cheek. She was showing him something, something that had them both laughing yet even more affectionate than normal. Bella could only imagine what that _something_was.

Eventually, their laughter died down and only warm smiles were exchanged. And then a blush rose in Renesmee's cheeks but she never broke their gaze. Jake's cheeks darkened as well and he lowered his eyes to his lap, slowly removing her hand and laying it on her thigh. "Renesmee," he whispered admonishingly, not glancing up at her.

At that precise moment, the piano stopped. Bella heard a hiss as did the other two and within a second, Edward was in the room, quietly snarling.

If Edward was reacting this way, if it made Jake blush, it could mean only one thing. Her suspicions had been right. And that burned more than the three days she had suffered as the venom had raced through her veins, changing her; more than when she had woken up, thirsty; more than the hole inside her chest had hurt when Edward had left.

She couldn't speak, couldn't think, couldn't react. She never thought it would hurt this much. She never thought that she, Bella Cullen, an immortal, could still feel pain of this magnitude. But she did.

Renesmee turned pleading eyes on her mother but Bella remained still, silent, staring back at her. Jacob sighed and stood up, turning to glare at Edward. Renesmee jumped up and clung to his right arm worriedly.

"Relax, Cullen. It's not what you think," Jake started.

Edward growled. "You've defiled her!" He cried out.

Renesmee's cheeks flushed and she turned her head into Jake's shoulder. He grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers, urging her to look at him, the need of his imprint outweighing the need to continue the confrontation with Edward.

"Shhh, Nessie. It's okay," he whispered, cupping her cheek with his other hand. Edward let rip another warning growl and Jacob ignored it. "Honey, look at me."

She lifted her eyes hesitantly to him. He smiled reassuringly and stroked the skin underneath his fingers comfortingly. "Don't worry, okay?"

She nodded slowly and then moved to burrow into his chest, hugging him tightly. Jacob wrapped his arms around her and cradled her protectively in his embrace.

Bella glanced back at Edward. She was surprised to see that he had not uttered another word of protest. And then she saw why. His eyes were narrowed in concentration and she realized he was reading their thoughts. She turned to see Jake glaring directly at Edward once again. Yet another silent conversation they seemed to be having.

Whatever Jacob was saying, it was working. Edward seemed to relax some, but not completely, and his eyes started to go back to their undilated state.

After watching this quiet back and forth and Jacob rub Renesmee's back soothingly for a few minutes, they all heard Renesmee whisper, "I love you, my Jacob," forgetting where she was, under the spell of Jacob's calming touches no doubt.

Jake's eyes dropped to the top of her bronze head and he tightened his arms around her before placing a small kiss there and laying his cheek against her hair. "I love you, too, Nessie."

And just like a coil wound tight, ready to spring, Bella snapped.

She was on her feet, letting the heavy leather book fall with a bang. Jacob and Renesmee both jumped and turned their eyes towards her. Edward's eyes snapped in her direction and she could see the pain mixed with loving and understanding back in them.

She flitted towards him, retracting her shield as she did.

_Edward, I'm going to hunt. Alone. I don't want anyone following after me. I want some time for myself._

He nodded and before he could say anything, or kiss her like he always did when he took leave of her, Bella let her shield back up and left the house in a whisper of a breeze.

Bella didn't hunt. Instead, she traveled to Charlie's. She snuck up to the window of her old room, broke the lock noiselessly and let herself in.

Charlie wasn't home. He must have been at Sue's.

She walked around the room silently, taking everything in. Charlie had left her room the exact same as the day she had left and been dragged away by Alice to be tortured and forced into a wedding dress.

Bella had only been up here two or three times since then, once to show Renesmee where her mother had lived after excitedly learning this information from Grandpa on one of their visits.

That had been a few years ago. Bella would never forget the little glint in Renesmee's chocolate eyes when Edward chuckled and reminisced about climbing into Bella's room at night. Edward hadn't missed it, either. She caught him nailing her window shut at the cottage later that evening. As if that would keep a werewolf out. But, he had made a good argument, saying they would hear if anyone broke the glass or tried to pry the window free.

Bella walked to her desk and ran her fingers along a book laying on it. This had been the scrapbook her mother had gotten her for her eighteenth birthday.

She slowly opened it, finding a picture of Edward on the first page. Of course. Back then, that was all her life had been about. She had been in such a rush to become like him, to be forever his, she never stopped to think about what life would be like once she was the immortal Mrs. Cullen. Not once did she ever think she could fall out of love with Edward, that she would quickly become bored with what eternity as a vampire had to offer and that she would regret giving life a fair chance before it had even begun. And not once did she ever think one of her biggest regrets would be Jacob. Had she known how she would feel; how she would realize five years too late that Jacob had been right all along, that he was the right one for her, would she have chosen differently? Would she have, knowing she would soon give birth to Jacob's imprint, her daughter, and lose him forever?

She stared down at Edward. She had loved him so much, still did to some degree, but it was nowhere near what she had felt when she was still human. She thought it had gotten stronger when she changed, when she couldn't get enough of him, but she was wrong. After the year passed of her being a newborn, she found her overwhelming desire dimming year by year. She no longer felt hot where he touched her, she no longer felt the need she had once felt. And when their physical relations started to wane, the rest of their relationship didn't fare much better.

She never laughed with Edward. Sure, she made him laugh on more than one occasion, but never did he make her laugh. Edward loved his music and doted on her and Renesmee unfailingly. But, something was missing. She knew he still loved her. Why else would he allow her her Valentine's night with Jacob these past five years? But, nothing was the same as it had been before. She just didn't feel..._right_ with him. She didn't feel _alive_.

Technically, she wasn't alive. But, when she heard Jacob laugh, when he teased her like always, when he would race her and Renesmee when they were hunting, Bella felt alive. She felt alive when he touched her, when he smiled, when he said her name, with a sort of reverence that Edward would never know. She may have been Edward's Bella, but she would never be his _Bells_.

She turned the page slowly and her eyes rested on the next picture. It was one Emily had snapped inconspicuously. It had been spring break, back after Jacob had started phasing, the Tuesday night Sam and Emily had popped over at the Blacks' with cake in hand.

Bella and Jacob were sitting on the couch, grinning at one another. Jacob was laughing at something she had said and she was smiling at him. Her smile was genuine and full of adoration. Granted, she looked like death warmed over, not that much different than she did now, but it was evident. The smile in the photo lit up her face, it was real, and her eyes were fixated on him. Emily and even Kodak could see what Bella had not known, had refused to let herself know.

She sighed quietly and ran her fingertip longingly over her smile in the photo, almost as if she could, by touching it, transport it to her features, along with the pink tint in her cheeks and the brown in her eyes.

She smelled him before she heard him. And then she heard him before she felt his presence in the room with her.

She could hear his breathing behind her, feel his warm breath coating the strands of hair at the back of her head.

"Bells," he whispered, his voice sounding rougher than normal.

She didn't respond, didn't move, just kept staring at the picture, kept tracing her old smile.

Slowly and carefully, his arms wound around her and held her tightly back against his burning chest. She didn't want to see him right now, she didn't want to have this conversation, but she relaxed into his embrace, not wanting to move from where she now was. If this was the last time he would hold her like this, she would savor every moment and commit it to memory.

She felt his forehead pressed against her shoulder and heard him take a deep breath.

"I don't know what to do," he pleaded brokenly.

She didn't say anything, not really knowing what to say. Truthfully, nothing could be said. She had made her decision long ago, the decision for both of them, and now she had to live with the consequences. She closed her eyes painfully at the thought.

"I thought I could do this, be with you...on our night, but...I'm not strong enough. I don't want to keep hurting you."

She smiled faintly, remembering she had spoken similar words to him once upon a time. Hadn't she also told him that the pull she felt to Edward was too strong, much like the imprint he couldn't fight anymore, and he was saying goodbye to her now just as she had to him back then? That he was choosing his Edward, the pull being too strong to resist?

"Shhh," he whispered soothingly in her ear. She hadn't realized she had started trembling. A trembling vampire. If she wasn't so close to breaking, she might have snorted in derision at herself.

"You know what I want to say. You know I'd give anything to be able to say it, just once, to you. You know that."

"I do know," she admitted, wincing at the breaks in her affirmation.

He squeezed her tightly and placed a kiss to her neck. They stayed like that for a minute, him just holding her, when he spoke again.

"I remember that night."

Her eyes opened to find his fingers had replaced her own, brushing across the both of them in the picture in a similar longing motion.

She waited for him to say something else but he didn't. Instead, his fingers stopped their exploring right around her smile, tracing it as she had been earlier.

"I would've imprinted on you, you know. If we had just had a little more time...if you had let me in..."

She turned in his arms and stared at him.

"You would have never imprinted on me. You were never supposed to. Renesmee's your soul mate." She dropped her eyes. "Not me."

He cupped her chin gently and forced her to look up at him. "You're wrong," he whispered.

When he didn't elaborate further, Bella laid her head against his chest, closing her eyes and sighing. "I love you, Jacob Black. And I want you to be happy. Even if that means it's not with me," she admitted sadly.

She felt him push her back and take her face in his hands. She opened her eyes to see him staring at her intently. "I will never be happy unless I'm with you."

Bella gave him a rueful smile and weaved her fingers through his on her right cheek. "She can give you children, a family. Her heart still beats, she's very much alive. She makes you happy, I see it. You deserve that kind of happiness, Jacob. That's what I want for you. To live out your life the way you were meant to. As much as it kills me to let you go, it's the right thing to do. For you. For her. I love you too much to continue being selfish with you."

She saw anger start to burn in his dark eyes and he glared down at her. "If I was going to live out my life the way I was meant to, you'd still be alive and we would have our own family by now," he spit out harshly. "I wouldn't be stuck in a house full of bloodsuckers, never getting the leech stink out of my nose, acting like your goddamn watch dog. I wouldn't be forced to marry your _daughter_ instead of _you_, the one I really want. Like I got the next best thing because you're not available. Because you threw _us_ away so you could run off into the sunset with your leech. I wouldn't be forced to do anything!"  
He leaned in until he was inches from her face, smirking wickedly at her but without any real enjoyment.

"And it's not all it was cracked up to be, is it, Bella? Or else you wouldn't be sleeping with me every chance you get."

She narrowed her eyes dangerously, beyond furious. She understood his anger, welcomed it even, knowing she deserved it, but he almost made it sound like she was using him, to escape from the hell she had created for herself. And that wasn't the case. Not one bit.

"Listen, you stupid _mutt_, the only reason I meet with you at all is because I love you. Because I realize how badly I messed up both our lives, okay? Because it kills me inside seeing you with her, knowing that could have been me." She hadn't meant to divulge that much but her anger had loosened her tongue.

"Not could. Should." Jacob was unforgiving and more importantly, unrelenting. "Now you know what I go through every time I had to watch you with him, knowing it was really me you should have been with. Every time I still do even though you're his."

"But the truth is," He leaned in until his lips were hovering above hers, still staring angrily into her eyes. "I'm still yours. No matter what the damn imprint says. And you are still _mine_."

He kissed her then, thrusting his hot tongue demandingly into her mouth, roughly parting her lips, plundering the wet cavern he found there. She moaned and he pulled her tighter to him.

He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. She threaded her fingers into his hair and tugged gently, making him grunt into her mouth. He walked her over to the bed.

He broke the kiss, him struggling for air, her gasping for dramatic effect, and he stared into her eyes. "Say it, Bells."

She stared back at him and didn't say a word.

"Say it," he growled.

"Yours." She kissed him again. "Always yours," she mumbled into his mouth. "My Jacob."

"Your Jacob," he repeated, smiling against her lips, before gently lowering them to the bed.

Bella rubbed Jacob's back softly with her hand. He was curled into her side, his arm around her bare midsection, holding her tightly to him.

His breathing was even and deep, his eyes closed, his head next to hers. She smiled over at him and kissed his forehead affectionately.

"You know, at some point, we should probably get dressed and head back before Charlie gets home."

His arm pulled her against him tighter. "Noooo," he mumbled sleepily. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm way too comfortable."

She chuckled and kissed his forehead again.

He opened his eyes and blinked tiredly before staring at her through half-closed lids. "Stay here with me tonight," he whispered.

She watched him for a minute, wondering if she was making the right decision. "What if Charlie comes home?"

"So, what if he does? It's not like he's expecting anyone to be in here, Bells."

Bella bit her lip, turning her eyes up towards the ceiling. "True."

A minute later, she heard him sigh and then felt him lay on his back, removing his arm. "If you don't want to stay, Bella, we don't have to. I just thought...," he trailed off, never finishing his sentence.

She turned on her side to face him and cuddled up into his side as best she could. She grabbed his left hand and interlaced their fingers. "I do want to stay. With you. It's just...tomorrow will be more of the same. How much longer can we keep doing this?"

Jake didn't turn to face her, just kept her eyes fixated on the ceiling. "As long as it takes."

Bella's eyes narrowed in confusion. "As long as it takes? What does that mean?"

She saw him bite his lip and he appeared to be in deep thought. "I think I'm getting better at fighting it. It wasn't as hard this time...with you. I don't feel the need to run right back. I've been resisting her and even though I pay for it, it's not as bad as I thought it would be."

"Resisting her? What are you talking about?"

He started to chew his lip more and she could tell he was...nervous with what he was going to say next. "She wants us to take things to the next level. That's what she was showing me tonight, what _he_heard. He thought what she showed me was real."

Bella's confusion doubled. "But I thought...she's been grown up now for...but you two have been dating for so long..."

Only then did he turn to look at her. "I know we have been, Bells, but...I couldn't. I had a hard time seeing her that way for the longest time. It's one thing to hold her hand and take her out on dates...it's another to be with her the way I've been with you." Bella did her best not to grimace at the statement. She had to be the worst mother in the world. Jake lifted their joined hands to stroke her cheek with the backs of his fingers, sensing her distress. "I didn't want it, Bells. I never thought of anyone that way except for you. And I wasn't ready to move past that yet. And then you...that first night...things happened. And ever since then..."

Bella laid her head on his shoulder, looking up at him, showing him she was still listening. He kissed her gently. Then he sighed and turned back to the ceiling, running his free hand through his hair. "She's been wanting to...move forward for a while. But, I haven't allowed her to. I've done everything I can to fight her on it, coming up with every excuse I can think of, and it's...it's hard, I'm not gonna lie, especially because it's what she needs me to be for her, what she wants me to be. But...I've done it. Time and time again. And every time it gets a little bit easier."

"What do you mean easier?"

He turned once more to look at her, staring deeply into her eyes, trying to gauge her reaction.

"I'm breaking the imprint, Bells."

Bella was lucky her heart was already still inside her chest. It definitely would have stopped just then had it still been beating.


End file.
